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Experiencing rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. Someone is declining your work, giving a definite “Nope.” As a writer, I am familiar with rejection. I began proposing manuscripts 50 years back, upon college graduation. Since then, I have had multiple books rejected, along with article pitches and numerous short stories. During the recent two decades, focusing on op-eds, the denials have multiplied. In a typical week, I get a rejection every few days—adding up to more than 100 annually. In total, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a self-pitying outburst? Far from it. Because, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: At this point, just about every person and their relatives has said no. I haven’t kept score my success rate—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, a newspaper editor turned down 20 pieces one after another before saying yes to one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors vetoed my manuscript before someone accepted it. Later on, 25 representatives declined a project. An editor requested that I send my work less frequently.

My Phases of Setback

When I was younger, each denial stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my work was being turned down, but who I am.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? How could these people be blind to my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What do editors know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, followed by self-blame. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably seasoned with false hope). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become successful.

This continued over many years.

Great Company

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Tales of writers whose work was at first rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was first rejected. If they could overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his high school basketball team. Many American leaders over the recent history had previously lost campaigns. The filmmaker says that his script for Rocky and attempt to star were declined 1,500 times. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and get going, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my later years, I entered the seventh stage of setback. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or have one in the pipeline, or simply be contemplating something along the same lines for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the evaluator thinks I don’t have the experience or stature to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the content I am submitting. Or was busy and reviewed my submission too fast to appreciate its value.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many reasons for rejection are permanently out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Others are under your control. Admittedly, my proposals may from time to time be flawed. They may not resonate and appeal, or the message I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my punctuation, notably dashes, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve published two books—my first when I was 51, the next, a memoir, at older—and in excess of a thousand pieces. Those pieces have appeared in publications large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. My debut commentary appeared decades ago—and I have now written to that publication for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no author events publicly, no features on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more readily handle rejection at 73, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have cushioned the jolts of my setbacks. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Rejection can be educational, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. So what lessons have I learned?

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